The definition of softening means to make or become less hard, but how do we learn to do that? We acquire knowledge of this from people who exemplify the definition of softness in the human regard. Have you ever met someone with an energy about them that you cannot quite put your finger on? It is an energy that pulls you in; it fuels you by being in their presence. The energy is light, fun, playful, inspiring, and full of wisdom and warmth. Their words click with you, and talking with them feels like a wave of tranquility and relief. They have a wildness about them, and the world has tried to tame them through the delivery of hardships. Instead of allowing their spirit to become tainted by falling prey to the world's harshness, they have met every challenge with quiet confidence and strength built on the building blocks of pure love. They show us that life can be a fairy tale if we wish to create it. They hold imagination, magic, and child-like wonder in the highest regard. These soft souls have a way of moving and living there through the art of romance. It’s the simplicities of life that sustain them. Their hands in the dirt of a garden, pampering themselves with homemade body scrubs and essential oils, the scent of focaccia slathered in olive oil, sea salt, and rosemary that fills the walls of their home, and a picnic on the grass under twinkling lights. I aspired to be one of them. I’ve studied these charming and beautiful gems of people and their traits. I’ve also reflected on what keeps me from claiming that whimsical energy. With that said, I came up with a guide for you and me to begin to attain this magic and learn what it means to soften.

Extract

We must extract things that keep us in a hardened energy and way of being. We must start here, even if it’s not the easy part. We must accept and make sense of our pasts, forgive ourselves and others, build awareness of patterns that don’t serve us, and begin to make changes. A tall order, I know. We must learn to cope and sustain ourselves through rugged terrain instead of giving into our normal adverse reactions and numbing tactics.

Practical Tips to Start Extracting:

• Journal or speak with a trusted therapist about past and future worries, forgiveness, patterns, and stresses. Please use a guided journal if that works better for you. A journal or therapist will help you get it all out on paper or in your sessions. It will free you up and help you make plans and ways to solve problems.

• Stop with the harmful content. It's not a new concept, but it's worth repeating. Swap creepy, disturbing crime shows for a fun home design show and political podcasts for motivational stories. Switch out degrading, drug-promoting, violent, sad music for calming, inspiring and uplifting music

• Follow the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza, who recommends that when you are working to change patterns, behaviors, emotions, and habits that are not serving you, you start becoming aware of your triggers that are catalysts for how you are currently showing up. Once you are aware of them, you can replace them. So often, we blame our spouse, kids, co-workers, or some “asshole” in the market line for our reactions, but it’s up to us to choose how to react. Our not-so-pretty reactions can lead to us hardening up more and beating ourselves up, which is not a cycle in which to live. If you want to extract your harsh demeanor and reactions for positive, softer, and productive interactions, you must be aware first, and when you do that and start making a different choice, you will be on your way.

• When things become stressful, how do you cope? How can you maintain a strength built out of love and quiet confidence that you can handle what is at hand? Make a list of what would sustain you rather than numb you. Allow yourself to feel emotions, but do your best not to get lost in them and care for yourself well. Other ways to get yourself in a better headspace when stressed are to go out and do some hard work, organize your garage, tear some walls down, or go out and help someone and see them smile.

Ways to Infuse Softness:

• Bring nostalgia into every day, and engage in child-like wonder, imagination, and magic with something you enjoyed doing as a child. For example, I love reading children’s books with my kids to tap into this energy.

• Engaging in puzzles, painting, DIY projects, or making a new recipe will enrich your mind.

• Get in nature, get your hands in the dirt in a garden, and watch wildlife with curiosity and awe. Look out the window and savor and appreciate the changes of each season. Live within the rhythm of nature and seasons.

• Drinking, eating, and savoring warm foods and beverages slowly.

• Read books with wholesome characters, enriching lessons, or poetry that provokes beauty and wisdom.

• Find time every day for things that spark joy, fun, playfulness, and passion in you.

• Pamper yourself. Homemade body scrub

  anyone?

• Create a cozy at-home environment with whatever you have on hand.

• Indulge in the simplicity of routines and rituals.

• Cherish the small things in life.

• Intentionally embody love in your actions, words, and how you make others feel. Your presence of love will serve everyone around you.