In Part 1, I went over 4 ways to tame comparison through gaining confidence in your beauty, inner peace, changing the narrative you keep telling yourself, and figuring out what your unique feeling of beauty is for you. For Part 2 of Taming Comparison, I asked some of the most beautiful women I know about their thoughts about comparisons, dealing with insecurity, what makes them feel confident in their skin, and their advice for anyone who does not feel beautiful.

Here’s what they had to say-

Sarah:

Q: What makes you feel most beautiful, confident, and sexy in your skin?

A: I would say my alone time when I take care of myself. I do my skincare routine, deep wash my hair, and exfoliate my skin. Because I use tanning spray at home, I need to keep my skin moisturized; in every shower, I use lotion and my skin oil. It gives me the best clean and soft feelings every time. Cleaning my apartment and lighting a candle with smooth jazz is the cherry on top.

Q: If insecurity creeps in, how do you boost yourself?

A: I focus on things I can control. Working out and using positive affirmations always help! We live in a world where social media has so many negative body image “standards.” As I creep into my 30s and no longer dance 30 hours a week, my body has changed so much! Finding a new normal, maintainable weight and what works for you takes time. I love finding new foods and cooking that fit my lifestyle and my body’s needs. It’s important to look around and use social media in a positive light. There are tons of women like you posting things that work for them.

Q: How do you maintain your mindset so that you are not comparing yourself to someone else’s looks?

A: I once saw a woman with vibrant, red, long, thick, beautiful hair. I wanted to learn how to do that, so I pulled up Google. When I did so, I found many women with beautiful, long black hair—just like mine! I saw many comments from women saying, “I wish I had hair like hers.” It humbled me quickly. I often get in my head thinking I could be better when what I may already have is rare, and I should be very thankful and feel blessed.

Q: What advice would you give anyone who genuinely believes they are not beautiful?

A: Sometimes, the people around you bring you down. If you are depressed or not feeling good about yourself, something needs to change. Change your friends. Change your environment. Change the words you tell yourself. Surround yourself with people who value you and tell you good things. Look into your beauty standards. Is there anything you can change or new things you can try to help? Make a list of everything that troubles you, focus on what you can control, and remember that you are never alone in how you feel.

Ashley:

Q: What makes you feel most beautiful, confident, and sexy in your skin?

A: Clothes. It depends on the occasion, but clothes are my favorite! I love my pencil skirts, silk blouses, heels, and blazers to feel confident, especially at work. The polished look makes me feel confident, powerful, and honestly like a badass.

Q: If insecurity creeps in, how do you boost yourself?

A: I do not feel insecure about my looks anymore. I’m 36, married, and have a beautiful scar from my C-section. I remember that scar as my greatest accomplishment in this world. Whenever I need a confidence boost, I play my top three pump jams from my pump-up playlist as loud as possible in my car:

1. Vogue by Madonna

2. Champion by Carrie Underwood feat. Ludacris

3. Whatever It Takes by Imagine Dragons.

Q: How do you maintain your mindset so that you are not comparing yourself to someone else’s looks?

A: I’ve never been one to compare myself to others. I have always been pretty confident. I feel lucky, as I know a lot of women compare themselves to others. I don't know. I guess I always think we are all beautiful in our own ways. At the end of the day, you could be the most beautiful woman in physical appearance (looking at you, Blake Lively), but if you are mean and cruel-hearted, you are the ugliest person.

Q: What advice would you give anyone who genuinely believes they are not beautiful?

A: First, ask yourself why you think that. Is it physical appearance? Weight? Is your attitude an issue? Be 100% honest with yourself and ask yourself am I a good person? Why do I not believe I am beautiful? If it’s physical appearance, ask what you like and how you can accentuate that asset. Start there and build up. Take a look at your closet. Do your clothes make you feel good? Clothes really can make all the difference in the world. Most importantly, and this is my best advice, SHUT OFF SOCIAL MEDIA. I don’t think I need to explain this one.

Alicia:

Q: What makes you feel most beautiful, confident, and sexy in your skin?

A: I change out of my momma lounge clothes, put on actual clothing, and do my hair.

Q: If insecurity creeps in, how do you boost yourself?

A: Get my nails and hair done.

Q: How do you maintain your mindset so that you are not comparing yourself to someone else’s looks?

A: Try not to and don’t have time to compare. Beauty is within.

Q: What advice would you give anyone who genuinely believes they are not beautiful?

A: Being beautiful is something that is reflected by who you are inside; it’s not external.

Mila:

Q: What makes you feel most beautiful, confident, and sexy in your skin?

A: I have my nails done, I have a perfectly matching outfit, and I am in a good mood.

Q: If insecurity creeps in, how do you boost yourself?

A: Pray and sleep.

Q: How do you maintain your mindset so that you are not comparing yourself to someone else’s looks?

A: I usually don't compare but pay attention to how other women dress, act, and look to get ideas.

Q: What advice would you give anyone who genuinely believes they are not beautiful?

A: You need to get up and do something about it. Weight loss solutions, minor and major plastic surgery, and wardrobe and makeup consulting are options. With modern resolutions, there is no need not to feel beautiful.

I hope you found some helpful nuggets within these women’s answers so you can use them to tame comparison and insecurity and claim your beauty inside and out.🩵

Conversations in the Chair:

Let’s keep this going in the comments! Share your thoughts on the questions above. You never know who is reading and who you can impact.