6 Ways to Show Up for your Friends

Nov 22

Feeding our friendships is as meaningful as our partnerships with our significant others. As we grow up and are no longer in the same towns, and we begin to go in different directions and stages of our lives, some of us will lose touch, and that's normal, of course. Still, there will be friends that will remain and some that come into your life, and those friendships deserve your effort and time and must be fed to grow every day through care, thoughtfulness, admiration, love, kindness, compassion, and don't forget, fun!

Here are 6 ways to show up

for the friends in your life!

1. Grow Together

Growing apart is relatively easy to do in adult friendships. One gets a house, gets married, and has kids, while another is partying at the bars. One travels the world learning about new cultures and cuisines, while the other hasn’t seen anything other than the town next door. After a while, sitting down with each other can seem like two different people who no longer have much in common. If we aren’t intentionally trying to stay connected and growing together, I think it will be challenging to keep that bond going before it breaks. I'm not saying you need to be the exact person that your friends are, but sharing experiences and commonality helps keep your friendship strong, healthy, evolving, and enhancing.

Here are a few ways to grow together:

Travel together to learn about new cultures and cuisines to create unforgettable memories and stories.
Take a class together, such as cooking, pottery, painting, yoga, wine-tasting, or candle-making.
Trade or give a book.
Visit the arts, such as museums, galleries, and plays, and ask each other genuine questions about what they found exciting or not so interesting.
Go sporty by hiking, skiing, biking, or doing a 5K together.
Stay up to date on each other. Dr. Gottman calls this Love Maps for significant others, but I think it's great for friends, too! Understanding your friend's dreams, goals, likes, and dislikes and how they have changed over time and honoring that about them is essential, too!

2. Show up for the Milestones

It seems self-explanatory, but when I say show up for the milestones, I don't just mean for the engagement party and wedding day, the baby shower, the day they get a dog, or when they land the big job. No, no, I mean the milestones between all of that. The significant milestones are easy and fun to be a part of, but what about the small wins in between leading up to all of that? What about the day their baby walks or the day they finally don’t have to wear adult diapers anymore after giving birth? What about the day they close the account at the new and big job? What about the day they pick out their wedding invitations? The small milestones that lead up and lie between the big ones are the ones I think we can show up for our friends the most.

3. Stay in Touch

Whether it be random text messages or a quick voice note, your friendships are worth a few minutes to stay in touch and show others their importance and value in your life. Also, I get how hard it can be to get out for dinner to catch up; if you've had a long work week or can't find a sitter for the kiddos, try Facetime instead!

4. Special Traditions

Traditions thread together friendships. Maybe you pick a new hiking trail every summer or go on a trip together in the fall. Traditions can also look like making chocolate-covered pretzels for Christmas gifts yearly, attending the football season opener, or getting coffee every third Sunday of the month. It's not about how fancy the tradition is; it's about the consistency of building familiarity and a corner in your life to tend to that relationship.

5. Let there be Food

Food is a connection, and providing someone with it is nurturing in action. Stopping by to surprise your gal at work with a pastry and latte, leaving soup and bread on the doorstep when your friend is sick, having a hard time, or after they brought home their precious baby from the hospital is a beautiful gesture.

6. “Just Because” Goodies

Birthdays and holidays are a great time to spoil your friends, but giving them something special on a random day just because, or to say a thank you to them for helping you with a project, they just landed a promotion at work, or if they are having a challenging season in life where shit is hitting the fan, a “just because gift” can show some love.

Here are a couple of ideas to get you started:

Spa goodies: face masks, lotions, bubble baths, Epsom salts, candles.
A membership at a yoga studio they have been eyeing.
Cozy lounge sets.
Wine or mocktail makings with a fancy glass.
Send flowers or drop them by.
Consider something personal like a DIY gift, photo frame, or friendship scrapbook for a personalized, custom, and thoughtful gift. You could also look at Esty for something custom.
If they are having a hard time, send a postcard in the mail with a few thoughtful words and a gift card to Target or a gas card.

What are the ways you nurture your friendships? Let me know in the comments below. 🩵