Part 1: Comparison
I was researching comparison the other day, and it led me to an article about not comparing one's looks to another's. The article's takeaway was that one should not compare one's looks to another because everyone is unique and beautiful. The writer concluded that social media is a fake highlight reel, and we cannot compare ourselves to curated posts and filters. I thought this article was well-meaning and had its truths, but I felt it would leave someone sincerely struggling with comparing their looks without practical tips. I dug deeper to see if anything was out there but kept coming across generalized surface-level answers. I also found something interesting; the only tips I found were regarding comparing to others on social media and that you should mute or unfollow those people. It's not that comparing yourself on social media isn't a meaningful conversation; it's a huge source of many people’s insecurity and spirals down the comparison hole. What I found lacking was what a person does when the person they are comparing themselves to is a REAL person. Whether it be the woman who just walked into the restaurant and captured the whole room or your friend you've seen up close and personal with no filter, she is naturally stunning. How do you not compare yourself when you are face to face with the real deal? How do we stop telling the narrative to ourselves that we lack the beauty they have? How do we appreciate others' beauty without feeling threatened, jealous, envious, and insecure? How do we learn to feel secure and comfortable in our skin so those feelings can't even touch us?
Here are 4 Ways to
Tame Comparison
1. Gain Confidence in Your Beauty:
We feel confident in our skin when we know we are doing all we can and making the best of our beauty with the resources we have. If we wish to enhance something, we take control of it, and if it's something we cannot control, such as being short, we learn to accept and own it by having fun with heels. Gain knowledge in the areas in which you would like to see improvement. Once you have that knowledge, you can discover what makes you feel beautiful. Undoubtedly, you will find your way to being confident in your beauty because you know you put the time and effort into it.
Practical Tips-
Take a Crash Course in Makeup- Look up tutorials, visit the makeup counter, and grab books on the foundational aspects of makeup. Try different makeup brands, learn the best angles for your face, and try out what shades look good on you and what works for your face shape, lips, and eyes.
Take a Peek at Your Hair- Bring yourself to the salon for a trim and color. Ask your stylist for any tips they recommend for styling and caring for your hair type.
Become your Own Nutritionist and Fitness Expert- So much information is online. The brass tacks are eating clean and nourishing food and picking a workout plan that you can stay consistent with. Eating well and catching a sweat is also the best thing you can do for your skincare regimen. No skincare products work well if you aren’t caring for your body inside and out.
Take an Interest in Fashion- Learn what fits and cuts flatter you, what colors look good against your skin tone, and what patterns and textures you feel comfortable in. What outfit pairings would aid your full self-expression and make you feel beautiful? Studying fashion is intriguing. Investigating the history, seeing the latest runway trends, exploring different brands’ stories and visions, or simply picking up a Vogue is a great space to get inspired for your style.
Cultivate Beauty Routine- Grab a face and hair mask and pull out the dry brush and face roller. Test out different nail polish colors to build a collection of go-to colors for your Mani-Pedi. Exfoliate your skin with a homemade sugar scrub and moisturize with a luxurious lotion. Customize your routine to what makes you feel good and is manageable.
Don’t Forget that Beautiful Attitude-Keep a journal to write down any emotions, patterns, or heaviness fueling you with a negative attitude and find ways to cope or make a new choice. Write down any ideas that will create an environment within you that births a beautiful attitude. This could be a gratitude list, doing things you love and are passionate about, looking for beauty in everyday moments, or letting go of things or ways of being that don’t serve your beautiful mindset.
2. Going After your Unique Feeling of Beauty:
There are instances when we suddenly feel beautiful. Sometimes, this happens to me on a summer night. I’m sitting on a patio talking to someone I love, and suddenly, the warm breeze moves in and rushes over me. My hair pairs with the wind and sways my dress. That split second makes me feel like an enchanting spell is in the air, leaving me in my element with the feeling of beauty in my body. Wouldn't it be fabulous if we could bottle that feeling and use it whenever we want? Well, we can, in our mind, of course.
Practical Tip-
Think back to a time when you felt beautiful and capture all the details. When, where, and what invoked that moment for you? Once you have recreated that feeling again after traveling back to that time, hold on to what it feels like, write down the details, and practice that feeling until it becomes second nature to feel beautiful. If you don't recall a time you felt beautiful, think about a role model you thought felt attractive in a given moment. What do you think she was thinking or doing to grab her unique feeling of beauty? These answers will still lead you to what you think creates that feeling. Make a running list of what makes you feel attractive, beautiful, sexy, and confident so you can draw upon it when you need it or practice it each day. If wearing dresses makes you feel beautiful, add them to your weekly wardrobe. If having a daily in-depth skincare routine does the trick for you, grab that cleanser, moisturizer, and all the serums, girl! I’m not a big fan of staring at yourself in the mirror and saying you are beautiful because it feels like a lie when you don’t believe it. I like the idea of practicing pairing feelings with actions congruent with your vision of beauty and giving yourself evidence to believe it.
3. Inner Peace:
Having peace within ourselves shields us from the opinions of others, and most importantly, in this case, it diminishes self-consciousness. Self-consciousness can play a significant role in why you compare yourself. You can combat self-consciousness by building your self-esteem.These tips don’t have anything to do with enhancing your looks, but the more self-esteem and inner peace you have with yourself, the less you compare yourself to others, and in turn, the more you subconsciously remove yourself from the game of comparison. At this point, looks are a bonus, and we’ve already mastered that by becoming knowledgeable and confident in our beauty and practicing our unique beauty feeling daily.
Practical Tips-
Journal to get to know yourself and who you want to be. Become so solid in who that is that it’s unshakable.
Gain confidence in areas that are important to you. This will lead to higher self-esteem and worth. For example, if being an exceptional mother is essential to you, you can research what would give you that result, use what you learned, and apply it to your parenting. Once you start seeing success over and over in that area of your life, you will become confident in being a great mother.
Do things daily that make you approve and respect yourself. If you aren’t aware of what those things are, take a couple of days to think about them and write them down before starting to do them.
Keep yourself organized- When you have your shit together and feel like you are killing it, inner peace and a self-esteem-boosting package is sitting on your doorstep.
4. Change the Narrative:
How long have you been telling yourself other people are prettier than you? How often have you sat there, looked at someone else, and immediately told yourself, “ I just don’t have it.” If you keep telling yourself that, then that’s what your truth will be. Whenever you see someone else who may be prettier, you will be filled with jealousy and envy. You will find ways to present yourself through your body language, actions, and speech to prove that you are not as pretty because you will show up as a version of yourself that’s not so beautiful. You will prove that to yourself, and others will feel that from you and even see it and reflect that to you, leading to more proof to meet your “ I’m ugly and not good enough, or not pretty enough” story.
Practical Tips-
Understand where the narrative comes from. We aren’t born feeling ugly. Was it someone in elementary school telling you you were ugly? Was it comments from a family member about your weight? Was it a crush choosing your best friend over you? How can you heal from that? A therapist, journaling, letting go, and accepting the past? Or, you can ask yourself- Who am I now, and what do I bring to the table today?
Interrupt Thought Patterns-
When comparison strikes, stop the thought by saying, “That person is beautiful, and so am I.” Or once you start hearing that voice in your head chatter about how you don’t measure up, interrupt it by saying everything you like about yourself, what you respect about yourself, your accomplishments, how badass you are, and what’s beautiful about you. If all else fails, once you hear the comparison talk rise in your mind, use this as a trigger to smile at that person and return to the present moment. Take a breath and notice all the details of what YOU are doing.
Use that person for honest inspiration. Notice what about that person captivates you and how they hold their beauty. Maybe it’s their impeccable grooming. What can you take from what you see and add to your life and way of being? If you know the person, ask them questions about what they do to care for their beauty; they will most likely be flattered!
Dealing with the sharp twists of comparison in your stomach is a sure way to become bitter. When all is said and done, if you choose to embrace and tend to your beauty by learning to make the most of what you have, tap into what makes you feel beautiful and gives you inner peace, and buy into a new narrative, you won’t mind if anyone may be prettier than you. You’ll start celebrating that person while celebrating yourself; that is how you tame comparison.
Stay tuned for Part 2 of this conversation. While I wrote this piece, I thought it would be interesting to ask the most beautiful women I know about taming comparison and beauty. Their advice is fantastic, and I can’t wait to share it with you. Keep your eyes peeled. 👀
Conversation in the Chair:
Feel free to leave tips on taming comparison and taking care of your beauty in the comments!
