For years, I struggled to feel comfortable in my skin. I was extremely self-conscious. I had the classic case of not feeling good enough, which, unfortunately, is a feeling many of us are familiar with and were implanted with at some point in our lifetime. Whether that be a person who directly or indirectly told you that you didn't measure up or society as a whole shoving perfectionism in our faces, it's pretty understandable why we find ourselves feeling a lack of confidence within ourselves, the way we look, and why someone would feel invisible. To some, this topic of feeling good in your skin may seem like a low-level issue, and putting that much importance into looks is silly, and looks aren't everything. I agree that looks aren't everything, but how you see yourself is. How you see yourself affects how you walk in the room. You can walk in with radiance or feel scared, nervous, and less than others. How you see yourself affects your openness to making and maintaining new relationships. Speaking from experience, when you have an unhealthy amount of insecurity and self-consciousness, you may show up in your relationships in unfortunate patterns. Comparison sticks to you like a parasite, breeds jealousy and envy, and makes you dislike people you’ve never known. You cut yourself off from events due to not being comfortable in your skin, and even if you wind up at the event you were trying to avoid, you tend to hide or throw a guard up or find yourself projecting in unfavorable ways. You are less likely to seek out or be sought out to seize an opportunity that will positively impact you.

Frankly, you are a prisoner in your own life, and it’s a disheartening and negative spot. It does matter how you feel within you, and not feeling good makes doing things daily a struggle; everything feels like a threat, and your ability to have quality life experience is hindered. Your experience is directly correlated to how you see and think about yourself. If you see yourself as less than in any area, you will prove yourself right through your actions, behaviors, and language to match that perspective and keep that storyline going. So what do we do about this? How do we change the plot and start to see ourselves in a positive light? Today, I compiled a list of all the steps I have taken personally and created a formula for how I work to stay confident in my skin.

The Formula

Awareness+ Knowledge + Action

We may feel uncomfortable because we lack awareness, knowledge, or action in a particular area. When you combine these three things, you have a formula that you can put into practice.

Disclaimer:

Before you start reading, I want to tell you I’m constantly working on this. The formula is my prescription, and if I stop taking it and doing it, then I won’t maintain my confidence. Sometimes, I will be doing well in some areas, while others need my attention, and that’s normal. I’m not trying to be perfect, but I’m striving to stay intentional and adjust as I go. I most certainly haven’t figured it all out or become a master at this. Being confident in your skin is a no-end game; it’s a consistent and lifelong skill set you must hone daily. With that said, let’s take an in-depth look at each step of the formula.

Step #1 Gain Awareness

What is Inner Comfort?

In a recent post, I discussed how developing a deeply connected relationship with yourself, maintaining a beautiful attitude, and cultivating a healthy mind is the foundation for everlasting radiance. Well, that also is the blueprint for how I have gained mental, emotional, and spiritual confidence in my skin. Check my tips out HERE.

What is Outer Comfort?

When we think about being comfortable in our skin, our first thought is usually about our physical appearance. Take the time to make the most of yourself by accentuating your best features, taking great care of your body, and finding what style and aesthetic suit you favorably. Doing so will elevate the comfort level you feel in your physical body.

Take Inventory:

Go through each category, ask yourself these questions, and give yourself a rating of 1 being the lowest, meaning you don’t feel good in that area, and 10 being the highest, meaning you feel confident in that area.

Inner Self -

Do you like who you are? Do you know who you are and have a deep, respected, and loving relationship with yourself? Do you cultivate a healthy environment in your mind daily? Do you maintain a beautiful attitude? Do you live in congruence with your values?

Body-

Do you accept and feel at peace with your body? Are you taking care of your wellness by fueling yourself properly with foods your body needs, making movement a priority, hydrating, or resting and recovering?

Grooming-

Do you feel confident about what works for you and how you care for your hair, skin, and nails? What about makeup? Do you know how to bring out your best assets and enhance them? Do you know what makeup works best for your face structure or what colors work best for your skin tone?

Presentation-

What are your thoughts on how you are currently presenting yourself through your behaviors, speech, etiquette, body language, and social interactions?

Self-Expression-

What colors do you like, what styles do you gravitate toward, and what accessories complement you? Do you know the overall aesthetic you are looking to obtain through fashion?

Get Some Clarity:

• What areas did you find that you don’t feel the most confident?

• Do you have any old stories you tell yourself about why you aren’t good enough? Where did that stem from? How do you think you could work through that and overcome that feeling? What would that take for you?

• What is the biggest obstacle to you having confidence in your skin?

• Can you think of a time that you felt confident in your skin or you saw someone confident in their skin? What are the patterns that attributed to that feeling for you? Or what do you think someone else has that you claim you don’t have in those moments?

Step #2 Knowledge + Action

Now that you’ve answered the questions above, taken inventory, and rated yourself, you should know what area to work on first. Gather all the information that you can and devise a plan. For example, let’s say that while you were doing the inventory and gaining an understanding of what is holding you back from being confident in your skin, you noticed that all signs pointed to your confidence in your body. You think back to when you felt satisfied with your body, and it’s when you could fit in your clothes better without jumping to put your pants on. You become aware that you want to become more confident in your physical body and health. The next step is to collect knowledge. Do a deep dive into books, articles, and podcasts, meet with a trainer or nutritionist, or download a legitimate fitness app. Figure out what type of movement you like, and try out new healthy recipes that are great alternatives for meals you already love. Check out wellness experts online who will be a great inspiration and source of information while you are on this journey. Knowing about a topic is not enough; you must apply it through action to get the desired results. It would help to devise a plan based on what you learned, what works specifically for you, and what you can be consistent with. Perhaps you choose meal planning on Sundays as the best way to get in all your healthy meals for the week, and you learned that you see the most progress in your body with 30 minutes of weight training and then 30 minutes of cardio to jumpstart your morning. If you keep doing that plan daily, it’s only a matter of time before you start seeing that you are changing your body and the way you see yourself. Eventually, you may even decide to switch up your plan to give yourself a fun challenge!

Afterward:

Keep running yourself through the formula until you feel a sense of accomplishment in the areas in which you need the most improvement or are most important to you. A sense of pride in earning your mental and physical comfort through action is crucial to releasing yourself from the inner prison you’ve been in; you let go of past hurts, old stories, blocks, self-consciousness, and comparison. You no longer look at others, thinking they have something you don’t. You will be liberated and open the doors to the other side, free from limitations. What a hell of a way to live life. Empowered.

Let me know in the comments what you do to build confidence, and please share this post with anyone struggling to feel comfortable in their skin! 🩵