A Dilemma with Gratitude

We’ve all heard it plenty of times: be grateful for what you have, for what you don’t have will disappear. Start each day with a grateful heart. Write down what you are grateful for each day. Make it five things in the morning and at night. Tell someone you are grateful for them. The list of things about practicing gratitude and the benefits could be a mile long. I’ve always loved the practice of writing down what I was grateful for. I would write down three things that morning, and at the end of the day, I would write another three things that night I was grateful for that happened throughout the day. For a while, this practice grounded me, and I can attest that I started and ended my day in a more positive light. However, after I noticed something different when I sat down to do this practice, the magic of gratitude somehow slipped out of my hands. It was as if a spell wore off the more I wrote my gratitude lists. I started writing them down in a rush, trying to move on to the next thing in my day but not wanting to forget to do my “gratitude practice” because of its benefits. Without too much thought, one by one, I’d list the things I was grateful for quickly and shut and ditch my journal on the kitchen countertop. It felt like the list became another thing on my to-do list, and I suddenly stopped writing it. At first, I didn’t think anything of it; I wrote it off as just another thing stated by people on the internet to do that doesn’t work. Boy, I was in for a lesson.

A couple of weeks went by, and my mindset changed for the worse. When the days were long with the kids at home, breaking up sibling fights, paying bills, and the stack of stress mounted up, I felt the urge to be hopeless and pessimistic. My head became cloudy; my clarity was gone. The perspective of what matters truly disappears, and I get caught up in what’s wrong and what can go wrong. It was as if the drama club decided to rent out my brain. Everything that cost me the effort was followed by the loud chime-in from the “drama club” in my head. “ Ugh, I don’t want to do this.” “ I can’t take this anymore.” “This is too hard.” I was complaining about people, money, my kids, how long things are taking to come to fruition, my house, and how much work needs to be done. Anything that could be complained about was high on my list of things to discuss.

Eventually, I noticed how crappy my mindset was. I tried to retrace my steps to see how I went from a positive, optimistic, enthusiastic, light, and energetic person to a negative Nancy. Was it lack of sleep? Have I been eating food that my body doesn’t agree with? What’s bothering me? No actual answer was found, and you can imagine how much more negative and frustrated that made me. Which was followed by acting out in rebellion through old habits that don’t serve me, and I hit the fast-forward button on a downward spiral. Fortunately, I was fed up with myself to the point that I forced myself to walk outside before the kids woke up one day. Walking does something for the soul. I swear all the tension and yucky feelings you have stuck are worked out of you in a walk in nature. That’s just what the doctor ordered. I returned home feeling refreshed. I sat down with my coffee for a moment and just looked out the window at the lake. I took in the moment. I listened to the kids play next to me and giggle with each other. The sunlight was shining through our house. Flowers were blooming on the kitchen table. The dog was cuddled up by my side, peacefully sleeping. The scent of coffee swirled up to my nose, greeting me with the sweet smell of vanilla and caramel.

Pelicans were landing on the lake, making their springtime debut, which fascinates me. I gazed around my house, except this time, I didn’t see its imperfections and projects yet to be finished. I saw the wood table Aaron and I made together; the wood is worn in a way that makes it beautiful. I looked at all the books around the house that have enriched my character. I saw each decoration placed with care. I thought more about the good in my life. I am lucky to have my loved ones; we are safe and healthy. The spiral of negativity quickly reversed its way into all the good. My heart started to fill with a familiar emotion. The emotion-filled my heart, and I felt like I was unthawed. That magical feeling of gratitude found its way back to me. This time, it didn’t come from writing a list. It came from sitting down and looking for the good and feeling it. It feels more real to me that way. For some reason, writing it felt forced and fake to me, like I was trying to do something and be something I was not.

Gratitude keeps us in a beautiful way of living. I describe it as a magical feeling because it gives your whole being an untouchable power. It shields you from the negative, from looking at what could go wrong and what is wrong. Gratitude doesn’t allow the language of complaining. Gratitude dispels lack, hopelessness, and fear. It protects you from becoming bitter, even if you have a good reason to be. If you intentionally live in this state of magic, it can be yours. It will give you fresh eyes, and you will see the beauty and possibility in everything. It injects you with love, abundance, and reasonable contentment. As a result, you will be creative and optimistic in the face of obstacles. I can promise you that you will proceed in your life in a way that keeps you in the present moment. Peace will become a part of your demeanor and a way of life. If gratitude was a business deal, the amount of money on the table would be priceless.

So, yes, here I am, another person online telling you to practice gratitude. Yet, this time, I’m telling you to do it your way. If writing works for you, fabulous. Suppose you are like me and need to take a few moments out of your day to sit there and think and feel it to get that magic, by all means. If you need to get out in nature and see all the colors and wildlife to remind you, then all power to you. If you choose to be intentional about this, set a reminder on your phone to prompt gratitude. Please do not take it lightly. We have access to this power every single day. It’s what turns us ordinary humans into magical ones.