Moving on from Fear
Now more than ever, I believe fear has been magnetized. It is no mystery, and many of us feel the side effects. What’s more, on top of the concern that trickles down from the big wide world, we are also dealing with fears that are more personal and that we meet on a daily level. Some of us may fear how we will pay the bills and buy groceries next week. For others, it could be watching a loved one struggle with substance abuse. While another stands still in time, contemplating their disintegrating health. From left to right, people are afraid that a relationship has run its course, and if it has, what happens next? Parents lay awake after putting their kids down for bed, fearing that they are screwing up their kids and that they are not doing this parenting thing well enough. Business owners pace back and forth, trying to think of ideas to improve their company because the fear of letting down their team and the pressure to provide for them is on their shoulders. At the same time, a team member wonders if it’s too late to switch careers and finally take on a dream, but the unknown seems daunting. Deciding whether to pursue a dream or abandon it causes all the what-ifs to tangle themselves into a knot of anxiety. The most common fears are thinking we are not good enough and inferior and can’t handle the obstacles or decisions to be made.
We have two choices: feel sorry for yourself while playing the victim card so that you can stay paralyzed and give up and give in, or build enough confidence to trust your ability to make decisions.
I hope you choose the latter. When you move past your fear and make a decision for the first time, you might not feel confident at all, and in fact, it very well could feel like your world is falling apart. However, each time you come face to face with whatever it is you fear and make a decision or action despite it, the better you will become at it. What’s important is that you will begin to get a gauge for what the right moves are for yourself. If the perceived outcome ends in you feeling at peace, I would encourage you to choose that path to go down. The second layer is asking yourself what people will think or say. That means it’s a time to remind yourself that it is nobody’s business to decide what plays you choose to run. You are the head coach of your life. Yes, there are a couple of people you should hear out, and you should consider their thoughts as a soundboard, but ultimately, there is a difference between the head coach and the assistant coach. Only one of them has the final say. You will never gain the confidence to handle fear if you constantly go against your intuition and follow others' influence. I’ve learned that having firm boundaries, a sense of privacy, and being selective of what is shared is helpful. If it’s something as public as putting yourself out there and going after a dream and hearing the noise of others discourage you and fearing that, then take a minute to go back to the thought of what will give you peace. Do you think quitting your dreams because of something a few people said would provide you peace? Because if you stop, those same people will still give you grief for quitting. So, what is really the answer? As you walk into uncharted territory, be selective, turn down the noise, and cultivate a great group of people who don’t feel entitled to your actions and shove down unsolicited advice. Look to others who are willing to be your listeners and guides when called upon. A final note: as you face fear, it is essential to take care of yourself well. We tend to numb ourselves with our vices that don’t serve us when full of anxiousness. Instead, take a walk, invite silence and stillness in your day, journal, get in nature, cook meals and drink things that fuel you with energy and rejuvenation, get your rest in when you can, engage in the things you love that put you in a flow state, and seek out the laughter that makes your stomach feel like you are doing an ab workout. These things will carry you through.
Remember, your life is your shot to make; somewhere along the way, we all slip away and stop believing in that reality. We were fearless when we were younger because we knew we had much less to lose and everything good to gain. That mindset needs to make a comeback to aid you in whatever you are facing. It boils down to determining the actions that align with your vision for yourself and where you want to be. Keep stacking the proof that you can handle what comes your way. The proof is not for anyone else; it's for you. Fear will come and go as it's a natural part of our human experiences. However, the more proof you have for yourself, the easier it will be not to let fear crowd your foresight and trick you into insecurity. It takes the skill of courage, and as you practice that skill, you will become more calm, tolerant, patient, and calculated amid fear. Once you have that locked in, you will, without question, have faith that you are moving on from fear.
Journal to Reflect
What are you fearing right now? Pick the one that is causing the most anxiety.
What are the solutions and possible outcomes of that fear? Argue all sides of the case.
What outcome gives me the most peace and confidence?
What decisions need to be made, and how can I break down the actions that need to be taken so they don't overwhelm me?
How can I support myself and take care of myself right now?
Who can be my trusted soundboard? (Remember listeners and guides when called upon.)
How can I put the blinders on other people’s opinions as I proceed?
What can I remove or minimize that is not helping me tackle this fear?
